“The relationship between parents and their children is one that cannot be compared to anything else in the world. In the Holy Quran, Allah (swt) prescribes the following: “And your Lord has decreed that you do not worship except Him, and to your parents, [show] good treatment. Whether one or both of them reach old age while with you, say not to them [so much as], ‘uff,‘ and do not repel them, and speak to them a noble word.” [17:23]. The Holy Quran exalts the status of parents, and hadiths do too; here are some great ones for everyone to take in, with an insight on how the child plays an important role in the relationship between them.”
Salman al-Odah was asked, “How do you get your kids to love the salah?”
The first thing he said was, “Have them love you.”
Learn this life lesson: tarbiyah is founded upon relationship.
Tarbiyah is the raising up and education of a child such that she can reach her full potential as a human and a Muslim. It is different than ta’leem, which refers to fact-based education.
We often confuse the two, giving our children ta’leem when they need tarbiyah.
Ta’leem is teaching our children the how-to of the prayer. Memorizing the duas, learning the positions.
Tarbiyah is the cuddling after the prayer when we ask each other, “What did you ask for in sajdah?”
Ta’leem is memorizing ahadeeth and verses.
Tarbiyah is the dinner-table banter where we talk current events and other issues on our mind.
Ta’leem is studying fiqh.
Tarbiyah is the loving conversation we have about an incident that happened at school.
Ta’leem is studying seerah by memorizing dates and events or preparing for a quiz bowl.
Tarbiyah is snuggling in bed and telling stories of brave heroes of the past.
When we were at Umrah, Ustadh Abu Eesa stressed this point a great deal and it has caused a seismic shift in my own approach to teaching my children. I had asked him if he had a suggested program of study for school-aged children. He responded by saying that he was no expert on education and he would leave that to the experienced teachers to develop such a program. He directed us instead to focus our efforts on building relationships with our children as our tarbiyah.
“Tarbiyah,” he explained, “is an emotional, not a physical exercise.”
He went on to explain that in the Qur’an, we are taught the dua for the parents as follows: “O Allah, have mercy on them, as they rabbayaani when I was young.” In other words, have mercy on them because they did tarbiyah for me when I was young. It doesn’t say “because they ‘allmaani”–because they taught me.
Long after facts have come and gone, what a child will remember are the memories she has cuddling on the couch, laughing at stories, and warmly basking in the glow of a parent’s attention and love. This relationship is what builds the person up, not the facts and pieces of knowledge imparted.
This does not mean we do not teach facts and knowledge! Those who follow my work know that I do indeed spend time on this ta’leem. You need to discern the difference between the two themes of ta’leem and tarbiyah though, so that you give adequate time to each.
Most importantly, you must understand that you, dear parents, are indispensable. You CANNOT outsource tarbiyah. You can send your child to classes and masjid programs for ta’leem but this can never replace tarbiyah. The cuddling on the couch, the lively discussions around the table, the one-on-one chats before bed….these are the things that only a parent can do. And these are the things that build the foundation of the Islamic akhlaq and adab (morals and manners).
“Realizing that I hadn’t had a sip of water all day, I thirstily made my way to the kitchen with Zainab in my arm. As my mouth salivated at the sight of the ice-cold glass in my hand, Zainab began kicking her legs excitedly. I knew that she wanted some too. Before taking a sip myself, I put it to her mouth. As I was about to quench my own thirst, Ibrahim ran into the kitchen and said, “Mama, I want mayya (water) too!” So I gave him the rest of that glass.
Then a thought struck me. My children are my redemption. If, as the Prophet Muhammed (pbuh) narrates, a prostitute can go to heaven for having mercy on a cat, then my children can—God willing—be my key to salvation.”
Read the full article here: http://www.patheos.com/blogs/growmama/spirituality/page-diary-children-redemption/
“8. Teach your child to follow you in salah. Lead them rather than merely instructing, it’s a more powerful way to teach them. Your child will remember what he/she sees you doing forever. Start instructing them to read salah at the age of 7, this will help make it easy for them to pray when they reach puberty and it becomes compulsory on them.”
Read all the tips here:
This made me smile 🙂
“5. Piggy plush toys are a source of discussion.
Imagine this: a well-meaning non-Muslim colleague gives a friendly, furry, stuffed toy pig as a present. You actually have a conversation (with yourself or someone else) about whether it’s okay for your kid to play with it. If you decide it’s okay, you might still have to deal with other Muslims telling you that your child shouldn’t put the toy in his mouth.”
Read them all here:
A beautifully written article on the importance of fathers in raising children on the right path!
– “What was most intriguing to me and stood out in my mind was that parental piety didn’t make up for a distant dad,”
– I once asked her how she and her siblings managed to resist the siren call of the peer culture around them while growing up, and she told me succinctly, “When you feel love in the house, you don’t look for it anywhere else.”
The powerful possible (negative!) impact of our words and actions… we need to keep this in our mind for our children too- are we driving them away from this beautiful faith, well-meaning though we may be?
Here is some Friday inspiration for you and your children – Agha Panahiyan makes SO much sense!
The first part is especially poignant for teens living in the West – I remember something similar from my own teenage years where I would listen to friends talking about how drunk they got at a party, threw up in plant pots and made a fool of themselves in general and how they regretted it the next day, etc. Was (and still am!) so grateful to have such an amazing religion that stops us from going down that destructive path!