Awesome lecture on parenting in Islam!

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This is one the BEST lectures I have heard on parenting in Islam so far.

Sheikh Salim Yusufali gives an indepth look on what the 7-7-7 hadith that we always hear about actually means, where the Prophet said: “A child is a master for seven years, a servant for seven years, and a deputy for seven years.”

Coincidentally, he talked about some practical tips to help our children love Salaat which resonated a lot with our recent series!

It was awesome hearing how what Islam has to say about bringing up children also resonates with the Parenting by Connection philosophy (www.facebook.com/parentingbyconnectionwithshaheenmerali), of which the essence is LOVE, LOVE, LOVE!

I really hope you will take some time out to listen! He covers the next two stages also on the next day.

Idea 17: Don't worry what others might think!

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I just LOVE this post (check out the image!) – it reminds us what is important, and that most people actually admire and respect us for praying!

Here’s another example that was shared on facebook:

“Today, I almost missed my prayer. Not knowing what to do or where to go, I found a small space outside King’s Cross Station to pray. As soon as I finished, someone from security (or police, I couldn’t quite tell) approached me immediately. Amidst everything that I’ve seen in the media, my heart sunk. I thought to myself: “Well, here goes.”

The officer approached me pretty quickly. To my surprise, he said:

“Why don’t you come and pray inside? There’s a staff prayer room.”

I was taken aback. Really. I fit every stereotype imaginable. Yet, here I was stereotyping others. The officer was a white man.

It’s so important to remember that on every end of the spectrum, there are pretty crazy people. But for the most part, people are incredibly respectful.”

By Ismail Jeilani

Idea 16: Invoke His help!

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I would like to finish off this series with this final story on someone’s use of the power of DUA to help their children become of those who pray!

Ultimately, it is HIM we are praying to and to HIM we want our children to develop a connection to, and so clarifying that as our intention and using HIS duas and HIS help to do it is really the ultimate way!

May He grant us tawfeeq in guiding our children to love praying, and to love Him, Inshallah!!

Check out the BEAUTIFUL story at this link: http://asqfish.wordpress.com/2010/07/20/dua-for-the-gift-of-salah-for-your-children/

Idea 15: Engage their love of salaat through Arts and Crafts

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There are lots of crafts ideas that we can do with our children about salaat – make a tasbih, make a prayer rug (as the link below demonstrates!), paper plate activities to show the change of kibla, etc. Check them out here: http://madressa.net/index.php/arts-crafts/themes/prayer

How about this one also? Make prayer mat magnets!: http://ummabdulbasir.wordpress.com/tag/salat-craft/

Idea 14: Play Games to help learn the meaning of Salaat

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An awesome card game designed by Kids n Islam (and available for purchase through Buzz Ideazz!) is ‘My Salaat Fun Cards’.

The cards are a great way to help children understand the special conversation taking place between ourselves and Allah (swt) in Salaat.

There are two games that can be played – Memory Match and Salaat Snap – both of which encourage familiarisation of the Arabic and English translations of the dhikr in Salaat.

Check it out here:

My “Salaat” Fun Cards

Idea 13: Use technology

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In our app review some time ago, I review an app called Salat Tracker for Kids. I have posted the review below to read in more detail, but in short – it is a good SHORT TERM incentive to get our kids to pray!

On the use of technology, here’s what one mum shared:

“Texting is replacing talking among teens. Teens spend nearly an equal amount of time talking as they do texting each month. The feature is so important to them that if texting were no longer an option 47% of teens say their social life would end or be worsened.

They also say texting has advantages over talking because it offers more options, including multitasking, speed, the option to avoid verbal communication, and because it is fun – in that order, according to the study.

So text your teen when it’s time to pray. Encourage them to set up reminders on their cell phone to offer their prayer or download an app for this purpose. This will make it more fun and help weave prayer into their lives in a practical way.”

App 2 – Salah Tracker for Kids

Idea 12: Choose your words carefully

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I recently saw a status that got me thinking about how we phrase things and what that implies to our children. It goes:

‘Don’t send your children to bed by “you have school tomorrow” and engage their hearts with dunya, send them to bed by “let’s pray fajr on time” and engage their hearts with akhirat.’

How beautiful is that?

Sometimes, we may say things that unwittingly makes Salaat into a chore rather than a delight. Instead of: “Let’s finish praying so that we can … (read/play/etc)”, maybe we can say “Let’s go pray so we can thank Allah for everything He has given us today…”

Any other ideas of things we say and what we could say instead?

Idea 11: Don't push them away

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The flip side of the coin to inviting them with love, is pushing them away from Salaat.

I cringe whenever i remember how i was with my younger sisters on one of the first salaats they prayed after they became baaligh. I had assured mum that as big sister, i could handle it. But to put it simply, i was the Salaat Police – and it was NOT pretty. I think i must have stopped them at least 10 times saying they had not recited ‘that’ with good makhraj, or not done ‘this’ action correctly. In short, however well-meaning, i’m sure i put them off big time – thank God my mum stepped in again when she did!

With all the previous suggestions such as jamaat namaaz, duas after Salaat, etc, it is important to remember NOT to force or become overbearing. Marhum Ayatullah Behjat, one of the greatest spiritual masters of our time, used to say that his father told him to only carry out the wajib actions of prayer as a child and young adult, but despite that he was able to attain extremely high levels of spirituality in his prayers.

Indeed, even in Qom, the jamaat prayers are done at quite a fast pace…this is simply to cater for everyone and not to put them off coming to pray at the mosque!

Idea 10: Invite them to pray with LOVE

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When we call our children to come pray with us, how do we do it? Do we call out to them? And if they don’t come the first time, shout?

What about Fajr? Do we switch on all the lights? Do we threaten to pour water on them?! Or guilt them about the fact that if it becomes Kazaa it’s on their heads?

The other day, I was talking to someone who said that once, a group of people were sharing their best memories of their parents. One girl shared how her best memory was of her dad, waking her up for Fajr…he used to massage her arms and hands to wake her up – how beautiful is that?! And how awesome that that is one of her favourite memories? 🙂

Idea 9: Teach them GRADUALLY

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Sometimes, we have a sincere but misguided emphasis on doing too much too young with children. Someone once told me how she was told to make their daughter pray at the age of 3; at first the daughter would put on her little chaadar, and sit next to or follow along with her mum, but then she began to object and dislike it. The mum, because of what she had been told and also peer pressure, began to get frustrated. Luckily, she realised it was heading down a slippery slope and relaxed about it all.

Imam Sadiq (as) says: “When a child reaches the age of 3 he should be told 7 times say ‘Laa Ilaaha Illallah’. Then leave him until he reaches the age of 3 years and 7 months and 20 days. At this time he should be told 7 times to say ‘Muhammadur Rasulullah (s)’, then leave him to be free. When he turns 4 he should be told 7 times to say ‘Salallahu ‘Alaa Muhammadin Wa Aali Muhammad’. When he turns 5… (and he can distinguish his left hand from right), then turn his face towards Qiblah and tell him to do sajdah. And at the age of 6 teach him ruku’, sujud and other parts of prayer… (Wasail ush-Shia, v21, pg 474).

From the hadith it is apparent that we should bring about awareness of religion in a child early, and as they grow and show interest we can invite them to pray BUT we should do so gradually and not ask them to do too much too quickly, lest we push them away.

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